Reason #5 Why life sucks: I can't really decide if I want a boyfriend or just a dog....
From the title you're probably confused- you're wondering:
"Is she one of those people you see on TLC who likes to do it with all of her pets? Is she one of those people who has an entire house full of puppies and never goes outside?"
No I am not.
The problem, darling readers, is that lately I have realized that the similarities between boys and dogs are quite daunting...
It all started the other day. I thought I was lonely, just wanting a boyfriend like every other teenage girl but then I realized, why go to all the effort to try and find a human boy when you could just get a dog?
Still confused? Well, please join me in my efforts to decifer my feelings and compare the perks of human vs.dog relationships.
Don't judge a book by it's cover.
Looks aren't everything.
Look deep inside a person and get to know them before you judge.
I know it's hard. I know. Although we all say we're not shallow and of course we care more about personality, let's face it, we do care! We look for "hot" guys and we definetely judge our potential bfs on appearance. AND THEN PEOPLE JUDGE US. They call us "shallow" and "superficial"! Then of course there's always the chance that your hot bf is a total dud/meanie/loser.
Where am I going with this?
When picking out your new dog YOU GET TO PICK! You can base your choice on the appearance of the dog/how cute his is and no one calls you superficial! You can pick a dog based on it's color and no one calls you a racist! You can go from breeder to breeder and breed to breed! You can even talk to the breeder and find out about the temperament and personality of the dog! That totally beats obsessively stalking his fb page and asking your friends for every little detail they know about him, all the while trying to seem nonchalant and like you're not interested! And hey, if you're into the troubled type, full of history and mystery just go check out your local humane society!
Boys: 0 Dogs: 1
I'm a romantic, I always dream that one day a boy will take me on a nice walk along the beach at sunset, but so far that has never happened. Boys are lazy. They don't want to go for a walk and they don't want to seem like pussies. Even if you do magically drag them off the couch and their xbox, joyful and eager would not be the way to describe them. Dogs, however are always eager to go for walks! You say the word and they jump up full of joy at the idea of this long (romantic) walk on the beach! Now of course, on this walk the dog can't hold your hand and the dog most likely will stop and try and sniff some crap. But seriously, considering the amount of boys with affinities to certain...ahem....illegal substances these days, the boy will also most likely stop and try and sniff some on your walk as well. So why drag your boy off the couch and away from his video games with the suggestion of a walk when you merely say the word and have someone jump up immediately to join you, delighted by the idea?
:
Boys: 0 Dogs: 2
So you see, now we run across another problem. The physical stuff of relationships. K-i-s-s-i-n-g for example. Boys are pushy, they always seem to want more from you they "can't keep their paws off you". The creature with paws though always seems to be happy, just cuddling. He may get a little pushy and try to kiss your face or shove his tongue in your mouth but at least he'll take no for an answer....
When you're ready for that first kiss in the new relationship the dog may be your best bet or at least the best bet for me personally considering the kissing techniques of my last boyfriend...(no offense to him of course)
Still grossed out by the idea of frenching a dog?
Well my dear, I hate to remind you, but dog's mouths are cleaner than human's....just think about it...do you ever really know where your boyfriend's mouth has been.....
Boys:0 Dogs: 3
LOYALTY
TRUST
Two of the most important things in a relationship and who is more loyal and trustworthy than a dog? Dogs are by your side all the time, they stick with you through thick and thin! They are there for you! Get a dog and he will never, NEVER leave you. Sure, the boy will say he loves you! He'll say he'll never leave you and love you forever but we all know the truth....one day he WILL leave.
Wow...that was slightly dark....
But have you ever heard of a dog cheating on his owner?
THAT'S CAUSE IT DOESN'T HAPPEN!
The dog won't hook up with some new owner because you're boring or fat or ugly!
DOG=ETERNAL LOVE
BOY=ETERNAL LOVE OF SEX AND XBOX
Boys: 0 Dogs: 4
But guys (by guys I mean who ever happens to be reading this), before I turn you all into then those people who marry animals (it does happen in like India and stuff where people marry elephants!) listens/read this last paragraph.
Although boys are smelly, untrustworthy, lazy and gross there's just something loveable about them! The dog may seem perfect but dogs can give you those same cliched butterflies in your stomach and that tight, swelling feeling in your chest....they just can't!
So I guess it's up to you, but to me, those feelings, all those cliches, are more important to me than perfection.
I mean I can learn to play xbox and make sandwiches!
SO THE FINAL SCORE.....
DRUMROLL PLEASE
Boys: 10000 (you can't match that feeling I get when I see certain guy)
Dogs: 4-GOOD EFFORT!
wow. can't believe I turned into such a sap in the last paragraph.....
