Reason #3 Why Life Sucks: I am like a magnet for creepy people
I'm not even kidding. I freaking WISH I was kidding but no, if there is someone creepy within a 2o mile radius of me they WILL manage to find me. Friends and acquaintances always tell me "nothing weird ever happens to me EXCEPT when I'm with you". THAT IS BECAUSE I ATTRACT THE CREEPIEST PEOPLE. Do I seem friendly and approachable? Do I seem like a creepy person myself? Am I their own kind? Do I have a sign pinned on my back that I don't know about that says "Welcome creeps! I will love you and want to talk to you!"??


Now you're probably judging me. You're thinking "woah, what a *beep*. She's judging all these people and they're probably just trying to be nice and it's not their fault they're a little bit strange."
No, that's not it. Now, a little bit strange I can handle. In fact I would say every single one of my friends is more than just "a little bit strange". These people are just pushing the limit of strange. Still don't believe me? 


OKAY HERE WE GO.
Ehem, -clears throat- may I now present you with








                         -DRAMATIC PAUSE-










THE LIST OF CREEPY PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN ATTRACTED TO ME:
1. Numero uno- My band teacher last year. 6o years old, leather pants, low v-neck shirts, floral print, chest hair and gold chains. DAMN he was fiiiiiiiiiiine ;) Wait, did I forget to mention he was in a band called "The boogey chu chu bears" (forgive me if I misspelled that. I must say, I don't have a lot of practice typing those words....) Now, this man, him and I, we had this special connection. Or at least he thought we did. I was okay with his friendliness but one day we had a slightly strange conversation...
Him: I love that dress on you
Me: ummmmmmmmmmm.......
Him: It looks so good on you! I can really see you're becoming quite a woman ;)
Me: (in my head) EWWWWWWWWWWW! AAAAAAAAAH! WHAT IS GOING ON?????
         (outloud).......thanks
Him: You know, I got in a motorcycle accident. 
Me: ummmmmmmmmmm.....
Him: Now I have a metal plate in my shoulder.
Me: (in my head) OMGOMGOMOMG HE'S LIKE A ROBOT.  Wait, that's kind of gross....EWWWW. This is real life not some super bad sci-fi move. 
        (outloud) ohhhhhh....-nods-
Him: Want to feel it?
Me: No, I'm okay....
Him: I'm going to play some violin now
Me: I have to go now. BYE


2. This guy at my school-I'm not gonna post his name but I'll call him M. 
So M unfortunately has a bit of a high pitched voice which causes him to be teased. He also has an unfortunate laugh which kind of really scares me. But the worst thing is he thinks we're best friends. To fully understand the creepiness of this guy you would have to meet him. Usually I can put up with him. He's nice and it's not his fault he's a little out there but what he said to last week kind of freaked me out.
Him: Hey Jessica? 
Me: Yeah M.
Him: You're a really good friend and I love you.
Me: Oh.....thanks M.  -insert awkwardness here-
Him: I'm serious. I want to friends for the rest of our lives. 
Me: -awkward smile and nod combo-
Him: No, like if we're not friends in 20 years I'm going to stalk you. I'll hunt you down. I'll look in the windows of your house and not leave until we're friends again because I love you that much! 
Me: (inside) WHAT THE FLADOODLES?!?!! (I stole that word from Miranda btw) 
        (out loud) Ihavetogotalktoyoulater. BYE


3. This guy from camp I'll call him C.
He carried a satchel....enough said. 


4. A girl from school...I'll call her L. 
Her: Hello. 
Me: Hi
-she just stares at me-
        ummm, I like your shoes. :)
Her: -eyes get wide and insane looking-
        THEY LOVE YOU TOO!
        KISS THEM!
    -holds her foot in my face-
Me: Ummm. I'm gonna go to the washroom....bye. 


4. A mime from Vienna....
He was dressed kinda like Darth Vader and my friends and I went over to give him some money. 
First friend: -puts money in hat-
Mime: -nods and smiles-
Second friend: -puts money in hat-
Mime: -kisses her hand-
Third friend: -puts money in hat-
Mime: -kisses her hand too-
Me: -puts money in hat-
Mime: -Grabs my hand and pulls me towards him and tries to kiss me full on the mouth-
Me: -pulls away-
Mime: -gestures at my boobs-
Me: ewww
Mime: gestures at me to come closer
Me:.....
Mime: -gestures at my boobs again-
Me: KBYE


and for the rest of the day we just kept seeing him everywhere! He didn't even stay close to where he was earlier! Everytime he saw me he would look at me, smile, wave, call me to come closer and then gesture at my boobs again.....




My fingers are cramping from typing so that's the end of the list for today. If you want to here about more creeps who love me then just message me sometime :) 


Although these people are super strange and usually kind of scary I have to say 
 THANKS GUYS. YOU MAKE MY LIFE INTERESTING.


Without them I wouldn't have nearly as many stories to tell ;)




 <3